Secret note reveals Lindsay Clancy wanted 4th child just weeks before killing her 3 kids: trial
Massachusetts mom Lindsay Clancy wrote about how she wanted a fourth child in a newly-revealed note written just weeks before she allegedly killed her three kids, jurors learned Thursday.
“I really want a fourth child but I need a good therapist before then,” Clancy apparently wrote in a lengthy journal-like entry on her phone’s Notes app on Nov. 3, 2022 – two months before she allegedly fatally strangled Cora, 5, Dawson, 3, and Callan, 8 months old.
“I still don’t want Cal to be our last but I have a lot of figuring out to do before I have another,” wrote the mother, who gave birth to the youngest child just six months earlier.
“I’m also probably having a bit of an internal conflict because my whole life I’ve wanted to have a lot of kids,” Clancy continued, adding that she was “on the fence about starting a new medication for anxiety/depression.”
“I want to feel happy, but it would be nice to feel authentically happy and not fake.”
Clancy is accused of murdering her three children using exercise bands at her Duxbury home before slitting her wrists and neck and throwing herself out of a second-story window on Jan. 24, 2023.
Her defense attorney is set to ask the Plymouth County jury to find her not guilty by reason of insanity, arguing she was in the throes of severe postpartum psychosis worsened by a cocktail of prescription drugs.
However, prosecutors claim her actions portray a calculated killer who was tired of taking care of the kids.
The gut-wrenching Notes entry – which was read aloud in the courtroom Thursday by Timothy Chiappini, a state trooper who analyzed Clancy’s cellphone – revealed that the mom was struggling to care for Callan.
“I’m sad and depressed because I’m not able to parent my third child like my first. I want to treat every one of my babies like my first, but I know that’s not a feasible possibility,” the note read.
“I’m sad that I stopped breastfeeding – I feel not as connected with Cal now,” Clancy wrote, and explained that she had felt “stressed” about her breast milk supply to the point of never wanting to leave Callan’s side.
She also felt “traumatized” by sleep training the baby – echoing earlier testimony in the murder trial that the mother was struggling with severe sleep deprivation.
“I needed a baby that slept through the night, because I simply do not have the opportunity in my life to catch up on sleep. I just don’t.
“When Cal naps, I have to take care of Cora and Dawson. That’s just how it is,” she wrote.
Despite her feelings of guilt – “I hate that [Callan] has to put himself to sleep,” she wrote at one point – Clancy defended the parenting choices in the entry.
“I know I did the right thing because I need to be able to leave Cal with someone and get fed. As much as I don’t want to leave him, I know I need to be able to. I need to be able to be present with my other kids,” the note read.
And despite the challenges, “Cal is so very planned and desired,” Clancy wrote.
“I want to be able to give him all the love he deserves. I guess that’s what it’s like to be the third child though. He’s not the first third child to ever exist. I think I know he will be okay, but it’s really hard for me.”
The note also revealed Clancy was battling negative feelings toward the older two children – which the youngsters picked up on.
“I think I sort of resent my other children because they prevent me from treating Cal like my first baby. And I know that’s not fair to them. I know that,” Clancy wrote.
“I was feeling so depressed last evening when Cora and Dawson came home from school. I know it runs (sic) off on them so we had a pretty rough evening.”
“I want to feel love and connection with all my kids…I just want to feel happy. I want to be able to relax and take care of my kids,” the note continued.
SOURCE: NYPOST